I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
