Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize