why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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