I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
