If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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