I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
50% drunk capacity currently
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize