Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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