I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
