He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
