i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize