i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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