yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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