my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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