My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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