Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
