I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
