He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
