My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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