u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize