I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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