$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
