And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
