he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
