'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
