did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
