I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
