I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
