you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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