i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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