I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
