So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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