its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize