Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
