Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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