I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
