laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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