First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
