About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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