i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
