I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i need to put some appletini on your dick
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
