I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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