That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
