I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
