Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
