I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
