I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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