you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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