He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
