Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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