You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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