just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
