Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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