Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
only you would photoshop your dick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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