Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
These tits shall not be calmed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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