mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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