i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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