I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
