He is such a slut. More and more my type.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
