3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
