Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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