I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize