Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
