saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
