I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
