i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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