Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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