i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
