Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
