I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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