okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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