Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
