not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize