Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize