I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
