Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
