He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
