No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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