Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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