Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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