Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
