fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
