I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
