Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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