Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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