We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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