Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Who died my cat blue again?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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