I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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