i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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