I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
